I played my part and stole the play

I took a chance, I took a step. I tried.
I buried myself alive, and opened myself to the world.
I let you steal away all that I had.
I stood beside my grave and laughed.
I reached out for you. I gave you my hand.
I looked at how you burned inside of me.
And I stood beside you.
I walked in front of my steps. I was my shadow.
I hidden all my thoughts beside your back.
I closed my eyes and jumped into the sea.
I opened my arms and felt the wind,the emptiness.
I smiled at you with tears of pain.
I tried to talk but words were silence.
And through all this I walked with pride.
I made a choice.
I had my chance and failed to live.
I wrote so many letters, and still I had nothing to say.
I slipped in the dark and feared.
I sang again with empty sounds.
I told the words of worldly love, and got laugh as a response.
And in the end I won myself back from all the toughts I wasted.

i will never forget...

I will never forget the way he said my name for the first time. I will never forget the way he said that my voice left him without words. I will never forget how he laughed when i told him how much like a child I am. I will never forget how we used to call each other and then just listen to each others breathing. I will never forget the first time he said it. I will never forget when he told me he was leaving. I will never forget how i believed in him, in us. I will never forget that he lied, that he only fooled me. I will never forget how he was crying, and how his tears were just sham. I will never forget how i trusted him.
I will never forget how he knew to see trough me. I will never forget how he understood me. I will never forget how he wrote the story for me. I will never forget how he seamed to really get me. I will never forget how he slowly pushed me away. I will never forget how he made me fly for him. I will never forget how he decided that i don't need him. I will never forget how he told me that i just have to move on. I will never forget how he promised he would be there, but never really was. I will never forget how I had had trust again.
I will never forget how to believe in people. I will never forget how much it hurt. I will never forget how it is to believe in someone and afterwards descover it was just one year of lies. I will never forget how people judged me for having faith and for fighting. I will never forget the way he smelled...i will never forget the way he smiled. I will never forget the way he laughed. I will never forget the way he, and he, humiliated me. I will never be humilliated again.

un nou an

Si uite asa incepe un nou an. As fi vrut sa am timp sa ma gandesc la ceea ce imi doresc de la acest nou an, dar bineinteles ca am neglijat asta pana in ultimul moment. Ma bucur ca am putut fi alaturi de cei care conteaza intre ani. Ce curioasa clipa...clipa dintre ani, acea infima secunda cand nu suntem nici prezent, nici trecut, nici viitor. Si totusi as putea spune ca imi doresc ceva pentru noul an: imi doresc sa visez fluturi si sa respir flori, imi doresc sa simt vantul si sa aud muntii, imi doresc sa zbor cu culorile si sa adorm in brate de papadii, imi doresc sa simt clipa si sa traiesc minunea, imi doresc sa vreau si imi doresc sa pot, imi doresc minuni calde cu suras de copii, imi doresc sa vad ceea ce e in fata mea si ceea ce e in tine.
As vrea ca noul an sa imi aduca visele inapoi, sa le primesc cu bratele deschise, sa nu mai fie dor, ci doar nerabdare in mine. Am visat din nou muntele, si apa acea rosie. Am visat din nou ca zbor, de data aceasta nu cu aripile lui, cu aripile mele carpite din speranta. Am vrut sa intind mana, sa ating norii, insa nu erau acolo, era doar pustiu si intuneric. Singurul lucru care mai ramasese erau licuricii, licuricii din ochii lui, pe ei i-am luat cu mine.Mai demult ai luat din mine lumina de care aveai nevoie, caldura pentru sufletul tau si ai plecat cu ea. Mi-ai intors spatele si ai daruit ceea ce imi furasesi ca si cum ar fi fost la tau. Mai demult inca mai puteam sa iti dau ceva din mine, si ai luat tot ce simteai ca te vrea, toate aripile fluturilor le-ai adunat in pumni, numai ca nu ai stiut ca astfel le vei strivi. Si ca fluturii fara aripi mor. Mai demult am infruntat soarele cu ochii larg deschisi, insa acum mai pot doar sa las luna sa imi alunece prin gene.
Maine, in fiecare maine din mine, zaresc rasaritul si nu pot intelege decat apusul. Pentru fiecare pas trebuie sa rup cate o floare din mine. In fiecare vis sting putin din lumina licuricilor. Maine, in fiecare zi ce a fost, ascult in mare doar linistea, iar in pasii fiecarui val mai e doar durerea. Maine, in fiecare clipa din prezent, e cautarea, iar din ceea ce stiam a mai ramas doar amintirea.
As vrea ca noul an sa stie sa ma invete de ce mare e rosie cand e trista, de ce fiecare munte ar un varf singuratic, cel care a vrut mai mult si a ales sa infrunte vantul singur, as vrea ca ziua de maine sa imi aduc cuvintele pe care sa le pot scrie in urma mea, povestea noastra, basmul celor doi copii ce si-au scris destinele cu talpile pe malul marii.
You are the one that knows how to light the night when i can't find the way to my dreams, you are the one that takes the moon in its arms when i am to blinded in the search of my star. You are the one that knows then to snow in my arms so that my soul would stop burning, and you are the only one that knows when to step in front of me so i won't get lost but when to let me fly alone so that i could find my strength. For you i hold my hand wide open, for you i still dream.
Cu speranta noului inceput, unui nou vis, unei noi cautari, unei noi sperante, va salut cu respect :)